Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Part of You Flows Out of Me

 Part of You Flows Out of Me 1 & 2 / 30" x 24" each / acrylic on canvas

These two companion paintings were the last two I was working on when Walt was still with me in the Montreal studio. He loved them when he saw them first taking shape, unfortunately he never saw them finished. 

I wake up every morning and listen to my own breathing as I look at the empty space beside me in the bed. I feel Walt's presence with me everywhere I go and I still expect him to show up somewhere. He does show up sometimes, in small ways and gestures that warm me from the inside out.

The first month after he died I mostly sat in his chair by the window and stared at the world going by outside. I was frozen with pain and sadness. Slowly I am beginning to unthaw though the sadness lingers with me throughout the day. I tried to go to the studio where Walt's energy is the strongest and at first I couldn't bare it there for more then a few minutes at a time. Slowly I was able to start pushing some paint around half heartedly on the canvas. I was terrified that painting as a way of knowing had left me completely. 

Then one day I realized that by NOT painting I felt I was staying loyal to Walt. If Walt could no longer paint then why should I be able to? This seemed terribly unfair to him. Finally a friend suggested to me that I ask Walt for help with this. I pulled out his jars of premixed colors, a palette I know well from painting beside him for many years. I started to paint with his paints and slowly the warm flow came back. I could feel Walt's gentle hands guiding mine. Now when I paint I am filled with the warmth of Walt and feel embraced by his Love. 

These are the two most recent ones that emerged and they are coming from a deep, quiet place of Love for all that was and is Walt. I look forward to seeing what else will emerge from my broken heart. For a broken heart is an open heart.

River Flow / 10" x 10" / acrylic on wood

Slow RIver / 10" x 10" / acrylic on wood

Monday, February 8, 2016

Saying Good-bye to Walt

2015 was an exceptional year in so many ways. Most importantly it was the last year in the life of my love and life partner, Walt Pascoe 1958 - 2015. Walt had been ill for the past four years but we managed to live those four years fully and with great enthusiasm. 

Evening light as we enter Grand Tetons National Park, Wyoming
Wild beauty in the Montana sky and open space.
Walt chose to focus on living Life rather then on his impending departure from Life. When you know the man you love doesn't have much time left on earth everything sharpens into focus. Small ordinary things become extraordinary and beautiful. 

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