These two companion paintings were the last two I was working on when Walt was still with me in the Montreal studio. He loved them when he saw them first taking shape, unfortunately he never saw them finished.
I wake up every morning and listen to my own breathing as I look at the empty space beside me in the bed. I feel Walt's presence with me everywhere I go and I still expect him to show up somewhere. He does show up sometimes, in small ways and gestures that warm me from the inside out.
The first month after he died I mostly sat in his chair by the window and stared at the world going by outside. I was frozen with pain and sadness. Slowly I am beginning to unthaw though the sadness lingers with me throughout the day. I tried to go to the studio where Walt's energy is the strongest and at first I couldn't bare it there for more then a few minutes at a time. Slowly I was able to start pushing some paint around half heartedly on the canvas. I was terrified that painting as a way of knowing had left me completely.
Then one day I realized that by NOT painting I felt I was staying loyal to Walt. If Walt could no longer paint then why should I be able to? This seemed terribly unfair to him. Finally a friend suggested to me that I ask Walt for help with this. I pulled out his jars of premixed colors, a palette I know well from painting beside him for many years. I started to paint with his paints and slowly the warm flow came back. I could feel Walt's gentle hands guiding mine. Now when I paint I am filled with the warmth of Walt and feel embraced by his Love.
These are the two most recent ones that emerged and they are coming from a deep, quiet place of Love for all that was and is Walt. I look forward to seeing what else will emerge from my broken heart. For a broken heart is an open heart.
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| River Flow / 10" x 10" / acrylic on wood |
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| Slow RIver / 10" x 10" / acrylic on wood |
4 comments:
Oh, Holly, this is so beautiful, and there's such depth and richness to these two paintings, which reflect two beautiful souls working as one. xoxo
What an absolutely lovely thing to say Susan.
Thank-you. x
Wow. I have no words, as you've just said them all so perfectly, Holly. Strength to you, my friend. That wonderful man is beaming with pride for you...
Holly, what a beautiful post! I can so feel your love for Walt. These two painting speak of how connected you two still are, creating together in a deep soulful way that vibrates in your works. Thank you for sharing all this beauty and sadness. Holding you both in my heart. Isabelle xo
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