Sunday, April 25, 2010

Going ever deeper beneath the roots and the rocks

So the painting that began so effortlessly and with much joy turned into a great struggle on Thursday...what happened? I don't know but suddenly everything becomes
difficult and unruly, I feel like I can't even hold the brushes properly, I curse, I flail, I am drowning in my own angst! In a fit of despair I marched home and went to
bed, overcome by a sudden exhaustion, in the middle of the afternoon!! I awake and am feeling completely listless, don't want to paint, don't want to do much of
anything. My energy is low, lower than it's been in a while. I decide to stay away from the studio for a few days, spend time outside w/ the earth. Listen to what she might have to say. She replenishes and restores. I dream I am climbing back up a very slippery, muddy slope that I had descended for the sole reason of climbing back up. I think this is rather pointless in the dream but because there is a woman ahead of me who seems to be my guide, I have no choice but to follow her instructions and she is telling me to stick my hands deep into the mud and search out the roots as they will help me to pull myself back up. I do this but it is hard work, messy and difficult to find the roots, often they break off in my hand and I slide backwards. I have no idea what this is about but the dream kept resurfacing as an echo of my painting process today. At the same time a delightful little sketch for a second piece just spit itself out and awaits me in the studio tomorrow. Perhaps w/ a new piece to work on beside this difficult one, a new rhythm will be established.

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