Storm Dream

A couple of weeks ago I dreamt that I was standing face to face with an enormous cyclone. I first noticed it on the distant horizon and was attracted by it's beauty & dark intensity. I was dumbfounded by it's magnitude & the speed of it's approach. The sky darkened, light was obliterated, the wind roared and I was totally mesmerized by the energy of the power and beauty coming straight at me. I opened my arms and surrendered completely as I knew there was no escape. I looked right at it and felt curiousity more than anything. I wondered what it would feel like when it hit me, would it hurt? would I die instantly? would I be ripped apart? I knew this was the end and watched it coming.

Then suddenly, the dream froze.

Everything froze, the whole scene in front of me was suspended, only I could move in the dream. I was astounded, as I thought nothing could stop such a power but there it
was, frozen, just inches away from me.

I woke up in wonder.

"There is only one thing that seems to work; and that is to turn
directly toward the approaching darkness without prejudice and
totally naively, and to try to find out what its secret aim is
and what it wants from you."

-Symbols~Jung

Another Rock Spirit Emerging

Painting never ceases to amaze and fascinate me! Today I went in to the studio and didn't have the heart to take all the work down so puttered around for a while, a few people dropped by, and then suddenly I knew I had to paint from inside the rock again. Really important to be available for these bursts of knowing. Here are the results, I am enjoying this process immensely. The primal body connection I feel for the paint and collage is solid and grounding. I seem to know intuitively what colours and shapes will say what needs to be said. The faces that emerge are surprising to me at the same time as they are familiar.

Introvert / Extrovert

Here is the small watercolor that I did this fall and has been haunting me ever since. I have a sense of what is being communicated but can only guess how to articulate it:
A large vacuous & distracting figure protects or shields the shy but definitely more interesting inner figure. Both figures feel very intimate to me and my art process.

Today's Open Studio

Here are some views of the studio today, hard to take interior photos since it is a rather asymmetrical space with huge windows. Lots of friends, support and love, not much in sales. I managed to stay centered for most of the day and survived the continuous exchange and dialogue. There is a part of me that just wanted to close the doors and go back to painting. It is strange to be part introvert/part extrovert. Never sure which part will reveal itself or when. Though I have managed to create a convincing extroverted persona I believe that I have a much more interesting introvert whom is trying to be born. She thrives when I am painting alone in my studio. I have done a small watercolour of these two inner figures and will try and photograph it so I can post it.

Open Studio

Tomorrow is Open Studio and I reveal my soul to the world once again.
No matter how long I paint, I still feel naked in my exposure.
It has been an intense winter and painting has saved my life many times over as I have painted my way through an emotional mine field. This vulnerability appears
obvious to me in the paintings I hung today, can others see & feel this rawness?


I know not what the future holds but feel I am capable of handling whatever
comes because I am flexible and open to letting go of the many expectations
and roles that I clung to so desperately in an attempt to hold onto old patterns
of denial that had become outgrown. It felt as though I was living in clothes that
had become too tight for me and were ripping apart at the seams. The clothes
finally became rags and I clung to them anyway to hide my nakedness. Eventually
the old rags disintegrated and left me raw and exposed, vulnerable to the world.
This was a very, very frightening period. Alone & exposed at the edge of an abyss. Uncertain, full of self-doubt, self-pity, worthlessness and absolutely no map with directions anywhere in site, I pretended to know where I was going when I was completely lost.

I am slowly sewing together new clothing and it is exquisite in its flowing, generous
cut, allowing for greater freedom of movement and a certain new stillness from within
makes the transparent cloth shimmer with colors and light. I realize that no map with
directions will magically appear but that my own inner guide will lead me when I am
quiet enough to listen. I learn what I am looking for when I paint.

Flooded with Images

My muse is in a generous, loving mood these days. I must have 8 or 10 canvases on the go, all sizes, shapes, colours, textures. I can't keep up with the outpouring, one thing leads to another. The faces keep appearing and I find them rather mysterious and interesting to watch as they evolve into entities with a life of their own. After a day of painting I seem to have a heightened awareness of the world around me. I arrived home after a spring rain and the evening light was golden and alive. I was compelled to walk in the lingering mist and listen, smell and taste the world around me. I am so amazed and grateful to alive! Here are some words that came to me as I walked in the warm rainsoaked evening:
dusk drips darkness
over fragrant wet lilacs
as birdsong speaks of love
in the apple blossoms.

small rant at the moon

Tired today, full moon pulling hard on the emotions
rain, wet, cold
shifting tides, always shifting to new positions
tired of myself and the way I was, am and will be
forever more
stuck in between becoming
who i am and who i was
holding the tension
and surrendering in
sheer exhaustion
today.